I’m leaving in less than 5 days and I’m already a bit of a wreck.

I don’t know why all this didn’t occur to me. Moving out was (is) always something I wanted (want) to do. I’m terribly excited about the new apartment, Suv and I are already budgeting and planning and decorating, I’m trying to learn how to use a pressure cooker. My suitcase is crammed with saucepans, kurtas, spoons, photographs and books, all fighting for room. There’s so much I need to take and so much that I wish to do. There’s also just too  much that I can’t leave behind.

I’ve been spending more time with my parents over the past few weeks than I have in years and it’s bittersweet. They’ve adopted my imminent move as a new project, and masterfully rose to the occasion despite their own mixed feelings. Right now, I’m choking with love, excitement, borderline panic and guilt. It’s the money spent on clothes and relocation, the little sandalwood Ganesha nestling in the nether regions of my suitcase, the Skype account that I set up for my mum, the little undemonstrative things that touch me more than anything else. Hyderabad is not far away and home will always be Chennai, but I feel so damn bad because I know I’ve already broken a hundred unspoken rules in more ways than one.

People tell me that I analyze too much which is probably true. But when you know something is wrong but you can’t let go of it, what are you supposed to do then?

I’m too damn emo for my own good.

In other news, I love this song. It’s my current anthem.

Title Source: Summer’s End by Foo Fighters